The Trippy Food Doughnut Extravaganza

The Big Two: Dunkin' Donuts and Krispy KremeThe Big Two: Dunkin' Donuts and Krispy Kreme

The ubiquitous doughnut is the staple of office meetings across the country, Homer Simpson’s superfood, and makes all the cops in the doughnut shops go, “Way-o, way-o”; it seems as though the lowly ring of fried batter has been around as far back as anyone can remember, although its lineage can only be loosely traced about a century and a half. For the sake of keeping this tome down to about the length of War and Peace, let’s disregard Mr. Donut’s cousins the beignet, zeppole, bagel, fried dough, and yes, even the elusive cruller, and focus on the fried wheel of joy instantly recognizable by billions across America and around the globe. In its formative years, the doughnut got its name from literally being a ball (nut) of fried dough. It wasn’t until the mid-nineteenth century that the inner tube-shaped snack got its current shape; legend has it that teenage ship hand Hanson Gregory punched holes in the dough to allow them to cook all the way through (at that time, to prevent food-borne illness harbored by the uncooked center of the dough ball). By the turn of the last century, the doughnut was a comfort food with widespread appeal; in an effort to afford American soldiers in World War I the comfort of home, Salvation Army volunteers Ensign Margaret Sheldon and Adjutant Helen Purviance devised a plan to make and serve doughnuts to the troops in Europe. In 1938, The Salvation Army instituted National Doughnut Day as a fundraising event to commemorate those who risked life and limb to provide sinkers to the doughboys; the day is still recognized, now held on the first Friday of June.

Donuts. Is there anything they can't do? (at the Burbank Kwik-E Mart)Donuts. Is there anything they can't do? (at the Burbank Kwik-E Mart)

It’s hard to throw a stale French twist and not hit a doughnut shop from mom-and-pop one-offs through the big dog franchises; of the latter, there appear to be two heavyweights remaining as last men standing: Krispy Kreme and Dunkin’ Donuts. It could be argued that Canada’s Tim Horton’s weighs in as a major player; even though they have cornered the Canadian fast-food market, it’s impossible to find their dough pucks and signature coffee very far south of the border. Krispy Kreme is the senior citizen of the donut realm, having been founded by businessman Vernon Rudolph in Winston-Salem, North Carolina way back in 1937. Legend has it that Krispy Kreme was one of the few products Elvis Presley endorsed by name, proving that the South (and the yeast) would rise again. Krispy Kreme only expanded nationally near the end of the 20th century with a great deal of their popularity based on their “Hot Now” concept. While driving by a Krispy Kreme, if the neon “Hot Now” light is on, that means that doughnuts are coming hot off a conveyor system that would make Henry Ford proud; visitors can watch as their signature raised doughnuts canoe en masse down a river of hot oil, through a shimmering waterfall of liquid sugar glaze, and around the bend on steel rollers where they’re snatched up by employees and served hot to customer. Back when Americans enjoyed a healthy economy workers would offer single hot doughnuts to customers free, but that practice appears to have waned.

The conveyor of hot doughnuts at Krispy KremeThe conveyor of hot doughnuts at Krispy Kreme

Krispy Kreme appeared poised to proliferate the Northeast with their doughnut show, but they did not anticipate the fierce brand loyalty of customers of Quincy, Massachusetts-based Dunkin’ Donuts. Now a household name, Dunkin’ Donuts began its life as a single store called Open Kettle in 1948, expanding with the Dunkin’ Donuts name by founder William Rosenburg in 1950. Although they can now be found worldwide, their stronghold is still the Northeast (specifically the Boston area). There’s a regional anecdote about a person giving directions that include turning right at Dunkin’ Donuts, with the response being, “What Dunkin’ Donuts? There’s one on every corner!” The original Open Kettle site still stands today, and although it has been modernized inside as a fully functional Dunkin’ Donuts, they are the only store to boast a sign on the roof that closely mimics the original logo. When Krispy Kreme had the cojones to open a store in The Pru (Boston’s Prudential Center) in 2004, Bostonians sent them and their lackluster coffee packing; they no longer have a presence in New England. Dunkies (or DD’s as it is also affectionately called) has a similar problem in the west; an attempt to establish several stores in Sacramento, California met with limited interest. Dunkin’ Donuts recently announced that they would soon be opening franchises in California, and most Massachusetts expatriates (me included) are watching the trade papers with bated breath to greet the international franchise. Dunkin’ Donuts stores can be found in more than 30 countries worldwide, and each country puts their local own spin on the flavors of donuts and the way the coffee that is synonymous with the name is served (in Boston, asking for a “regular” gets you a coffee with milk and two sugars).

Kane's red velvet doughnutKane's red velvet doughnut

Tucked deep into Dunkin’ Donuts territory, Kane’s Donuts has been churning out sinkers from a converted house is Saugus, Massachusetts since 1955. For decades, Kane’s was a quiet little secret; to date, they still make fresh donuts during limited hours from their single location but after garnering notice from the Travel Channel they have become a doughnut pilgrimage destination. Although Kane’s doughnuts roll out in a variety of often unusual flavors (think red velvet and Boston cream pie), their claim to fame is actually their coffee roll, a 2-pound behemoth that could feed a small city. The light and airy roll is a BFD (baked fresh daily) confection that has the bread-like texture of panettone; dusted with cinnamon sugar this colossus is best shared with others, but eat it sparingly so that you can save room for their superior doughnuts.

World-famous Randy's Donuts in Inglewood CAWorld-famous Randy's Donuts in Inglewood CA

While Kane’s doughnuts are your regulation sized sinkers, you’ll have to travel to the West Coast to find the King Kong of donuts, although sinking your teeth into these would be a bad idea. The Los Angeles area can safely be given the title of Land of The Giants as there are multiple shops that feature a ginormous doughnut as part of their architecture. In the 1950s, a chain of doughnut shops were built under the collective name of Big Donut; each featured a gunite and steel doughnut on the roof that measured a respectable 23 foot diameter. Of the 10 stores under the Big Donut umbrella, only four stores remain – the original store (Kindle’s Donuts in Los Angeles); Bellflower Bagels in Bellflower; Dale’s Donuts in Compton; and, the star of stage and screen opened in 1953, Randy’s Donuts in Inglewood. Randy’s has become the most familiar and iconic of the Big Donut stores, in part due to its location on the crest of a hill overlooking Interstate 405 and being in the direct flight path of airplanes landing at LAX. The location is featured in scores of movies and videos with the giant doughnut serving as a seat for Robert Downey, Jr.’s Tony Stark to polish off a box of doughnuts in Iron Man II and as a landmark in Randy Newman’s “I Love L.A.” music video. Due to its cinematic celebrity, there’s usually a line at Randy’s and it’s not uncommon to find owners and brothers Ron and Larry Weintraub greeting customers and asking where they’re from. An oversized doughnut on the roof alone isn’t enough to get repeat customers, but donuts are handmade throughout the day (they are open 24 hours) and are every bit as good as you would expect from a half-century old doughnut shop.

Possibly the only drive-through doughnutPossibly the only drive-through doughnut

If you expect to get up-close and personal with your giant doughnut, I recommend a drive out to La Puente, California, home of The Donut Hole. The second in a chain of 5 stores, the La Puente location opened in 1968 as the only store featuring doughnuts in its architecture – each end of the shop is capped off by a partially buried doughnut where you literally drive through the hole. The Donut Hole is the only store remaining of the original 5, and they keep unusual hours (they close for several hours while they replenish their supply). There’s not a wide variety of flavors and the doughnuts trend towards the diminutive, but where else can you go where a doughnut goes through you after you go through a doughnut?

The bar is set - Voodoo Doughnut's maple bacon barThe bar is set - Voodoo Doughnut's maple bacon bar

For the ultimate doughnut experience, a visit to Portland, Oregon is in order; the city that vows to “Keep Portland Weird” does exactly that at Voodoo Doughnuts. The name has become synonymous with Portland and visits from the Travel Channel’s Donut Paradise and Anthony Bourdain have only helped catapult Voodoo Doughnuts into the annals of doughnut stardom and legend, no small feat for a quirky little doughnut-only shop that’s been around only since 2003. They have recently remodeled and expanded their original flagstaff store and have opened two other shops, another in Portland and one in Eugene, Oregon. Founders Kenneth “Cat Daddy” Pogson and Tres Shannon traveled to southern California to study the art of doughnut making and turned it on its ear with a shrine to the doughnut that is as irreverent and bizarre as their offerings; take, for example, their mottos (“The magic is in the hole”, and “Where Good Things Come in Pink Boxes”) as well as merchandise that can be purchased online or in-store including pink Voodoo Doughnut underwear. Their doughnuts are every bit as quirky as the decor, from the Voodoo Doll (a voodoo doll-shaped donut filled with raspberry jam and pierced in the heart with a pretzel needle that allows the doughnut to “bleed”) to Captain my Captain (a raised doughnut topped with Captain Crunch; visualize the Cock-N-Balls, a cream-filled chocolate frosted doughnut shaped exactly like you think it is. In addition to the standard fare of raised and cake doughnuts toppings include bubble gum dust; Tang; lemonade and ice tea powder (on the Arnold Palmer); Froot Loops; grape dust; and M & Ms (on the Marshall Matters – yeah, we get it). Although Voodoo Doughnuts did not invent the maple bacon doughnut, they have raised it to new heights with the colossal Maple Bacon Bar. This raised doughnut rectangular monster is topped with a thick, sugary maple glaze and topped with three crunchy strips of bacon. The doughnut is painfully sweet, but after munching on it for a while it takes on the flavor of a pancake breakfast (sans eggs); trust me when I tell you that it will be the only thing you eat for the rest of the afternoon.

A selection of freshly made doughnuts at Nickel DinerA selection of freshly made doughnuts at Nickel Diner

A strong contender in the battle for maple bacon doughnut superiority can be found at Los Angeles’ Nickel Diner. The small restaurant has a throwback style to it; not like the sleek, gleaming art deco diners from the 1950s, but more of the feel of a place where a commuter would stop in for a sinker and a cuppa joe or a greasy breakfast – the difference here being Chef Monica May’s exceptional take on basic diner fare. Although they are a full service kitchen, they are best known for their fresh, homemade doughnuts, in particular their red velvet and the aforementioned maple bacon doughnuts. As opposed to Voodoo’s gargantuan Maple Bacon Bar, Nickel Diner’s entry is your regulation-sized raised doughnut with a sticky, almost pure maple syrup glaze that glues the fresh crumbles of bacon to the doughnut like porcine jewels in a dough crown. The flavor of the bacon and maple transform the doughnut itself into a simple media used to hold the bounty from the Great White North, and is nothing short of delicious; the smaller size is a blessing in disguise as you won’t find yourself scampering across the ceiling in a sugar high gone wrong afterwards.

The colossal maple bacon donut at Texas DonutThe colossal maple bacon donut at Texas Donut

One example of the maple bacon concept gone horribly awry is available at many of the western county fairs in the form of Texas Donuts’ maple bacon doughnut. While still a raised ring, this hefty confection is about the size of a scooter tire, not a doughnut to try to tackle yourself unless you have a death wish or are challenging Adam Richman. If the latter is the case, why not double your pleasure / double your hospital bill with the eponymous Texas Donut, a plain glazed raised doughnut that is undoubtedly off the charts in calories. As long as you’re at the county fair, have someone wheel you over to the ubiquitous Chicken Charlie’s where you can get yourself a variation of the infamous Luther Burger – a cheeseburger sandwiched between two Krispy Kreme doughnuts. At Chicken Charlie’s, the cheeseburger has been replaced with a fried chicken filet and the Krispy Kreme jelly-filled doughnut is halved to serve as a bun. To be fair, the sandwich doesn’t suck; somehow the jelly works with the chicken and the glaze isn’t enough to overpower it, but rest assured you’ll hear your arteries harden with every bite.

The doughnut that made Boise famous (really Salt Lake City)The doughnut that made Boise famous (really Salt Lake City)

At the start of this article I promised not to visit the doughnut’s foreign relatives; however, I would be remiss if I didn’t mention its American cousins, which, while still technically doughnuts have adapted variations in the preparation or ingredients. One of the strangest hybrids is the historic Spudnut. After enjoying potato-based doughnuts in Germany, brothers Al and Bob Pelton spent hours of laborious experimentation with powders and flakes before settling on a milled potato flour that gave them the texture and taste they were looking for. Their first store opened in 1940 and soon they were licensing franchises across the country, providing sacks of their patented potato flour. The corporation was sold several times before the parent company folded in the early 1980s. To date, there are 35 Spudnut stores remaining open, and although they have diversified and provide breakfast and sandwiches, the draw is still their potato-based raised donuts (be forewarned – the stores also hawk cake donuts, but they don’t contain potato flour). On first bite, the donuts are unremarkable (they have the taste and consistency of a decent raised doughnut), but there’s a faint hint of potato that stays on your tongue similar to eating potato flakes right out of the box.

(fōnuts)' blueberry Earl Grey doughnut - astoundingly delicious(fōnuts)' blueberry Earl Grey doughnut - astoundingly delicious

Two single-store Los Angeles area doughnut shops deservedly earn the title of doughnut bakery: (fōnuts) and Beach City Baked Donuts. (fōnuts) was opened in the summer of 2011 by Nancy Truman and helmed by pastry chef Waylynn Lucas. The concept is simple – the doughnuts are never fried; they are either baked (as most of the cake donuts are) or in the case of the raised doughnuts, baked and steamed. Every one of their doughnuts use natural ingredients, and Lucas has created many to be gluten-free or vegan. While it could be argued that they’re lower in calories since they’re not immersed in fat, you could get sidetracked in to thinking this is dietary health food – keep in mind that their maple bacon doughnut is made with real pig and maple syrup. The doughnuts are made with the highest quality ingredients, and they aren’t just good – they’re astounding. (fōnuts) was hyped-up after opening, and I anticipated the disappointment I’d encountered many times before at restaurants armed with local celebrity chefs until I tried their blueberry Earl Grey doughnut. This moist, crumbly ring of cake was sweet without being overpowering; the thin, hardened glaze was naturally purple from the inclusion of blueberries and each bite was chock full of still-fresh crushed blueberries that put the finest blueberry muffin to shame. It was without a doubt the best doughnut (OK, fauxnut) I’d ever eaten, hands-down. At close to four bucks a doughnut, you won’t be bringing a box of these to your church meeting but one of these and a good cup of coffee (which is also available) have the makings of an exemplary laid-back morning.

The menu as art at Beach City Baked DonutsThe menu as art at Beach City Baked Donuts

If doughnuts with foreign intrigue are your bag than the baked doughnuts at Beach City Baked Donuts in Redondo Beach is a healthy alternative with Asian flair. The staff is quick to point out that their oil-free confections are dripping with Japanese flair; display case has a series of square plates geometrically arranged on a bottom-lit Lucite panel with each containing a single labeled doughnut. The doughnuts with fruit mixed in have razor-fine sections cut out to reveal their interiors, their flavors labeled and displayed like art in a museum – rum raisin, choco chip, cinnamon, golden soy, “coco”, coconut, honey drip, and uji-kin. I chose the honey drip (their version of the plain cake doughnut) and the uji-kin (filled with mung bean and dusted with green tea powder); the doughnuts are individually sealed in clear plastic bags to go. The woman at the counter asked if I would be eating the uni-kin there or taking it to go, and when I asked for it to travel she suggested waiting until I was ready to eat it, heating the doughnut for 5 to 10 seconds in the microwave and then applying packet of green powder. I felt like I had just scored some exotic smack and with my legendary dexterity, I managed to get the powder all over my desk. The doughnuts were a little on the dry side, but they were sweet and had a nice, fluffy cake consistency. On a side note, I was able to snag a box of Pocky to satisfy my desire to try the chocolate-covered, matchstick-thin breadsticks for the first time.

The Donut Man's fresh, delicous strawberry doughnutThe Donut Man's fresh, delicous strawberry doughnut

One purveyor has built a reputation not so much for the doughnuts themselves but for what he stuffs inside them. Jim Nakano, The Donut Man of Glendora, California has been packing his potato flour raised-and-glazed with a generous fistful of strawberries since 1974. Since only fresh strawberries are used, these treats are only available when strawberries are in season; in order to provide fruit-filled doughnuts for a longer period of time, The Donut Man also makes a peach doughnut when that fruit is available. The filling is so fresh that the berries are still firm with some teeth to them; the occasional slight bitterness of one straggler that isn’t quite ripe is enough of an indication that they haven’t been allowed to sit. Their green heads are lopped off, after which they are coated with a thick, red, sugary glaze – these are force-fed to the doughnut which has been sliced lengthwise about three-quarters of the way across. I discovered the hard way that these obese confections defy being eaten by hand; the supplied plastic fork is a necessity, and if you decide to indulge, it might help to ask for a plastic knife as well. The doughnut itself isn’t overly sweet and the thick, spongy flesh wraps lovingly around the berries to make each bite reminiscent of strawberry shortcake.

I realize I’ve neglected the legendary yellow raised puffs from Texas’ Round Rock Donuts, the now-defunct Swirls Bakery in Omaha, Nebraska (regarded as the originator of the maple bacon doughnut) and many more quirky or outstanding doughnut venues, but there simply isn’t enough bandwidth to cover all the sweet, sticky dough wheels worthy of mention, and all this doughnut talk is giving me a craving for a Bismarck – ich möchte ein Berliner!

Dunkin’ Donuts
543 Southern Artery
Quincy, MA 02169
GPS Coordinates: 42°15’10.45″N 70°59’34.29″W

Kane’s Donuts
120 Lincoln Avenue
Saugus, MA 01906
GPS Coordinates:  42°27’11.06″N 70°59’29.42″W

The Donut Hole
15300 Amar Road
La Puente, CA 91744
GPS Coordinates: 34° 2’13.37″N 117°57’5.89″W

Randy’s Donuts
805 West Manchester Boulevard
Inglewood, CA 90301
GPS Coordinates: 33°57’42.27″N 118°22’13.40″W

Nickel Diner
524 South Main Street
Los Angeles, CA 90013
GPS Coordinates: 34° 2’45.54″N 118°14’56.25″W

(fōnuts)
8104 West 3rd Street
Los Angeles, CA 90048
GPS Coordinates: 34° 4’19.18″N 118°21’58.15″W

Beach City Baked Donuts
501 N Pacific Coast Highway
Redondo Beach, CA 90277
GPS Coordinates:  33°50’58.03″N 118°23’19.69″W

Voodoo Doughnuts
22 Southwest 3rd Avenue
Portland, OR 97204
GPS Coordinates: 45°31’21.23″N 122°40’23.31″W

The Donut Man
915 E. Route 66
Glendora, CA 91740
GPS Coordinates: 34° 7’44.05″N 117°50’59.13″W

See images of various doughnut shrines Val has visited and their fried, baked and steamed products

Video: Val’s visit to a renovated and expanded Voodoo Doughnut in Portland, Oregon:

 

 

Township Kitchen Americana and Saloon
Los Angeles, CA

The throwback Township Kitchen Americana and Saloon in HollywoodThe throwback Township Kitchen Americana and Saloon in Hollywood

I admit that my first reaction upon walking up to Township Kitchen Americana and Saloon in Hollywood was one of confusion; to the uninitiated, the name painted on the side of the antique-looking building suggests a western bar selling antique stoves. It strikes me that restaurant and bar impresario George Abou-Daoud (The Bowery, Delancey, Mission Cantina) could have gotten by inking only the watering hole’s popular first name and saving himself a couple of double eagles but I was already intrigued passing through the gold leaf-lettered swinging glass doors, a portal to another time. Township emerged from the gutted remains of Abou-Daoud’s District in late 2010, but after its elaborate facelift the grand dame bears more resemblance to a purveyor of victuals and libations from 1910. The only feature left from the original space is the classic red tin ceiling; all the fixtures appear to be carefully chosen to make you forget what year it was when you walked in, including a room’s length mahogany bar framed by hand-painted mirrors emblazoned with phrases such as, “Continental Cuisine of the Unites States” and “Featuring Territories Old & New”.

The first page of the menu (which looks fresh off a moveable type press) is well stocked with American whiskeys (including corn and rye), as well as craft beers. After slugging back a couple of their authentic hooches below one of the hanging tin-shaded lamps may make you cast a glance over your shoulder to prepare a hasty getaway should Carrie Nation come in to bust the place up with an axe. Of course, those of us who drove up at 88 miles-per-hour in our Deloreans still have modern cocktalian fare to choose from (although you may enjoy ordering rustic-sounding beverages like “Lynchburg Lemonade”, “New York Egg Cream” or “Southern Sweet Tea”, feisty potations that will put a breeze in your bloomers).

The rustic and airy Township Kitchen Americana and SaloonThe rustic and airy Township Kitchen Americana and Saloon

The incredibly high ceiling gives the space an open look, but even with the room full conversation wasn’t drowned out by the rabble. Our group of 5 (including friends and writers Arianna Armstrong and Vivianne Lapointe) was comfortable at one of the throwback wooden benches, and although I’m not a big fan of dimly lit establishments as I prefer to clearly see what I’m about to eat, the subtle lighting lent itself well to the period decor. The piped in music nodded to alternative early on but gradually switched over to appease the drinking crowd – cabaret, Dixieland or even steampunk might have been more suitable to the theme. There’s nothing crazy on the menu, although Township does a fine job in pulling in dishes from around the country and executing them with their own flair; from Yankee port roast to lowcountry shrimp and grits, all bases are covered.

Township's take on the oyster and shrimp po' boyTownship's take on the oyster and shrimp po' boy

At Vivianne’s suggestion, I ordered the shrimp and oyster po’ boy, and while probably not what you’d expect to arrive when ordered in a Gulf Coast shack, massive chunks of cornmeal battered shellfish burst out of a sub roll in an inviting display. The sandwich was punctuated by a collusion of crisp, pickled red and green chiles and a couple of squirts of rather ominous-looking orange aioli. Oysters and shrimp in general are susceptible to over cooking and are two commonly used seafood items that can emanate that certain funk factor, but both were fresh, perfectly fried and mellowly flavorful; what caught me off guard was the capsaicin-laden accoutrements that set the back of my mouth ablaze like a Louisiana refinery fire. Despite the heat and though the sandwich may not have been authentic, it was delicious to be sure.

Pecan pie from a handed-down recipePecan pie from a handed-down recipe

I ended the meal with a cup of coffee from Abou-Daoud’s equally-rustic adjacent Mercantile wine bar and took the advice of our waiter, ordering a generous wedge of pecan pie whipped up from his mother’s recipe (developed when they lived in Texas). Sweet desserts are a turn-off to me, but the pie wasn’t the familiar sticky, viscous and sugary confection I usually encounter in even the finer pie shops; the flavor of the pecans were the star of the dish, so good that we made short work of it by attacking it with our phalanx of spoons.

The food is fresh and delicious at Township, and while there isn’t any new ground being broken in designing the menu I regard that as a plus; the atmosphere, pseudo-historic decor and roundup of regional, traditional and homespun dishes is fresh take on an old theme that gives the feel of eating and drinking in a long-established tavern, an accomplishment deserving of a tip of the hat as you head on out into the sunset.

Township Kitchen Americana and Saloon
6612 Sunset Boulevard
Los Angeles, CA 90028
GPS Coordinates: 34° 5’52.16″N 118°20’0.64″W

GALLERY: See images from Val’s dinner at Township Kitchen Americana and Saloon in Hollywood, California

 

Nutria (South America and Louisiana)
L.A. Gastronauts at Villains Tavern, Los Angeles CA

The plated nutria with Rockefeller dressingThe plated nutria with Rockefeller dressing

Despite the American romance with Cajun cuisine, the thought of Paul Prudhomme or Emeril Lagasse presenting a steaming platter of rat fricassée conjures up visions of restaurant doors being blown open in a stampede with more force than Hurricane Katrina. While you’re not likely to find South America’s most notorious undocumented alien on the menu in high-end Big Easy eateries, many rural southern Louisianans have discovered that the high-protein, low cholesterol nutria is a plentiful meat source that the State of Louisiana is more than happy to see hunted to extinction. The nutritious nutria (or coypu – its original South American name) was originally imported to the United States to be raised for the fur trade; the clever rodents managed to free themselves from the bondage of the pelt farm back in the 1940s (thanks in part due to hurricane damage to their pens) and started in to doing what they do best – denuding marshes in nothing flat like some organic Weed Whacker.

A nutria in Louisiana (photo Steve Hillebrand, U.S. Fish & Wildlife Service)A nutria in Louisiana (photo Steve Hillebrand, U.S. Fish & Wildlife Service)

The nutria makes its common nephew Rattus norvegicus seem downright cute; this Templeton on steroids can achieve a length of three feet (with almost half of that tail). It sports a whiskery beard which frames huge, bright orange incisors (the better to voraciously chew through any vegetation in sight) and has webbed back feet which give the aquatic rodent a clear advantage in the 50 meter freestyle. These bad boys are born to eat – literally; although like most mammals they nurse after birth, they are also capable of cleaning the veggies off their plate on the day they’re born – adults eat about a quarter of their weight daily. Various programs have been implemented to remove the nutria; since its inception in 2002, the Coastwide Nutria Control Program licenses people to bag an unlimited number of the varmints – each nutria tail turned in fetches $4 (which sounds like chump change until you realize that nearly half a million were redeemed in 2009 for a payout of over 2 million dollars). The Louisiana Department of Wildlife and Fisheries‘ attempts to institute programs to market nutria meat have been largely unsuccessful, undoubtedly due to rat-shy chefs and diners.

The L.A. Gastronauts prepare for a Cajun feastThe L.A. Gastronauts prepare for a Cajun feast

Enter L.A. Gastronauts. The Los Angeles chapter of the famed New York organization that gives the Explorer’s Club a run for their money is led locally by Helen Springut, who devises outlandish zoological gastronomic adventures on a somewhat monthly basis. These dinners are generally held as pop-ups, with the setting for the feast often times as fascinating as the menu items. For its January 2012 dinner, Springut enlisted the culinary skills of Chef and restaurant consultant Jeffrey Thomas and Chef Peter Haller to prepare a Cajun feast with the nutria as guest of honor. The L. A. Gastronauts selected the quirky, antique-looking Villains Tavern to stage the event; the venue (which opened in mid-2010) looks like the kind of place Marie Laveau would be happy to call home. A dark, unmarked, chain link gated area in the shade of a huge ficus is the portal to another world – the actual building surrounded on all sides by a tent covering which plunges even the outdoor portion into darkness. A large wrought iron marquee covers the entrance to the bar area which is furnished with antiques and quirky bits of Americana while the huge glass windows are obscured with shelves holding hundreds of antique bottles of all shapes, sizes and colors. Behind the inside and outdoor bars are old Gothic wooden church windows refitted with mirrors that make you wonder what really goes on here in the dark of night when the alcohol flows like the Mississippi.

Villains Tavern's antique bottle collectionVillains Tavern's antique bottle collection

Villains Tavern’s menu doesn’t appear to have any items that are a drastic departure from what you’d find in any upscale bar in L.A.; however they do get innovative with preparation and deserve points for their naming convention featuring whimsical names such as “Devil Dog”, “Demon Burger” “Wicked Fries” and “Babe on a Bun”. For the L. A. Gastronauts’ Cajun Feast, all food was brought in by the native Louisianan chefs; the menu read like a bayou grocery list – snapping turtle salad with market greens; country rabbit pâté with pickled okra; hand-stuffed crawfish boudin sausage with a corn maque choux; rich, crusty and cheesy tomato pie Paula Deen would drool over; and last, but certainly not least – braised nutria with Rockefeller dressing. It was a rare pleasure to watch the chefs at work, and somewhat humorous to see how they transformed Ben and Socrates into a dish that could scarcely be described as rodentia. Chefs Thomas and Haller didn’t pull any punches when it came to expressing their disdain for the nutria; although the meat was in a state that required days of preparation, Thomas had on hand the butchered hind quarters of a nutria that hadn’t been used for the dinner. The carcass was heavy with muscular, dark meat and virtually no sign of fat, which under normal circumstances would not be any more frightening that rabbit meat; however, the off-putting part of the preparation is the smell – an earthy musk that emanates from the meat itself.

Nutria mixed with pulled porkNutria mixed with pulled pork

Because nutria boasts a lean meat, it was cooked with one part pulled pork to two parts rat. It was difficult to tell the difference when sampling a spoonful of the meat, partially because of the spices used and partially because of the similarity in texture. Chef Haller plated the dish beautifully – he started by filling a ring with the Rockefeller dressing, well-seasoned and featuring tiny bits of oyster and freshly cut croutons. The dressing was crowned with a mound of the meat and then garnished with pickled blueberries and a sprig of baby celery, finally surrounded by a thin stream of gravy. The marriage of textures and tastes celebrated in my mouth, and while I found the dish to be astoundingly delicious I almost felt sorry for the Gastronauts who despite their fear factor would be faced with an aesthetically pleasing creation with a much muted nutria component. After expressing my extremely slight disappointment verbally, Chef Thomas expressed that if he had known about my exuberance in wanting to experience nutria in a simpler form he would have made a separate preparation, to which I jokingly replied, “No worries, I’ll just take these hind quarters”. Surprisingly, Thomas suggested I do just that, since it wasn’t going to be used and would probably just be thrown away.

The seared nutria ready to braiseThe seared nutria ready to braise

Friend and fellow bizarrenivore Eddie Lin (who I had accompanied to the dinner) suggested we bring our catch back to his place, the site of numerous desecrations and defilements (such as grunion rings, bacon-wrapped bull pizzle and the infamous “dick-on-a-stick“) for a more basic preparation of the beast. Eddie did some additional butchering to allow us to sear the meat in a pot with grape seed oil, garlic, salt and pepper. After giving the flesh a nice char, we simply braised it in the finest Cabernet Sauvignon (Two-Buck Chuck, to be precise) for several hours until it emerged moist and tender from its dark and murky broth. The difference in flavor of the simply prepared meat and its Rockerfellered counterpart was like night and day. Each piece was about the size of a generous rib-in chicken breast and the flesh easily tore away from the bone. The wine enhanced the flavor but couldn’t mask the primal (almost swampy) aroma that rose from each bite and flavored the meat. While still maintaining the texture of pork or rabbit, the taste was unique and immediately hinted none-too-subtly at being a game meat. I’m not sure I would don some waders and a baseball bat to slosh through the bayou in search of my next rat-ratatouille, but having enjoyed the experience I would certainly try it again if the situation presented itself.

Man is its own worst enemy, wreaking havoc on the ecosystem and environment by introducing critters that have no business in a faraway land rich in natural resources, but literally turning the tables on the nutria eliminates a man-made problem while providing low cost, nutritious, high protein sustenance. For now, nutria is difficult to come by in Southern California, but I suppose there’s only room for one large rodent, especially one with red shorts and yellow shoes.

Villains Tavern
1356 Palmetto Street
Los Angeles, CA 91003
GPS Coordinates: 34° 2’24.34″N 118°13’51.03″W

GALLERY: See images from the L.A. Gastronauts’ Cajun Feast at Villains Tavern in Los Angeles

 

VIDEO: See Eddie Lin/KCRW Good Food’s video of Chefs Thomas and Haller preparing nutria:

 

VIDEO: Watch Val and Eddie Lin prepare braised nutria:

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Weird Food Festival XIII
Los Angeles, California

A bloody good toast, featuring goblets of bloodA bloody good toast, featuring goblets of blood

There is an old adage that one man’s meat is another man’s poison; in fact there are times when one man’s meat is the same man’s poison (in the case of fugu (blowfish), poke salad, mushrooms, etc.) Many Westerners (Americans in particular) recoil in disgust when reading about or watching the exploits of culinary adventurers who circumnavigate the globe looking for food that is wriggling, rotting or serves as an internal organ of some bizarre creature; television viewers peer through their fingers as contestants on programs like “Fear Factor” are subjected to eat animal eyes or live insects. Truth be told, as much as being a spectator to this apparent gastronomic death drive puts many of us in a heightened state of revulsion, there are places on earth where somebody is consuming these comestibles on a daily basis without a second thought.

WFF co-founder Marc Moss serves the green Jell-OWFF co-founder Marc Moss serves the green Jell-O

Some of these culinary practices were borne of survival, having to make do with whatever was available; the recent “nose-to-tail” culture adopted by modern gastropubs is a throwback to a time when a family had to make a single animal provide sustenance for long periods of time. At some point in time, some castaway on a desert island decided that eating a lobster (the aquatic cousin to a scorpion) seemed a better option than death; workers in silk factories simply ate the silkworm pupae after unraveling the silk from the cocoon in an effort to improve endurance on the job. In this age of instantaneous global communication, we are being exposed to the culinary practices of other cultures that were previously only accessible to world explorers. There is a growing movement of people who not only embrace cross-cultural dining practices, but pursue them with an unbridled passion.

Eddie Lin brought tasty fried duck tongues from Hop WooEddie Lin brought tasty fried duck tongues from Hop Woo

In 1999, Los Angeles foodophiles Marc Moss and Scott Ahlberg decided to hold an annual dinner with the intent of having the participants bring the most unusual dishes they could find or make, establishing the L.A. Weird Food Festival. More dinner party than fairground event, the Weird Food Festival challenged the group to get creative with members attempting to out-do each other with their gastronomic finds. Through author and radio/television food personality Eddie Lin, I was recently invited to join the group at their 13th annual dinner. Since this was my first year in attendance, I wanted to maximize my chances of getting a return invitation to next year’s event, and I knew that Fluffernutters and bacon-wrapped hot dogs weren’t going to cut it.

Val's llama liver with testiclesVal's llama liver with testicles

I recently obtained some llama meat from Exotic Meat Market in Perris, California and decided to utilize two of the more exotic cuts for my entry: the liver and testicles. I have never had any formal training as a chef, never worked in a restaurant’s kitchen, but I felt that with a little creativity I might just be able to put together a dish that would be unusual and flavorful at the same time. I decided to sear the liver, leaving it pink inside and use the testicle as a sauce or topping; I pan fried the chopped testicle with onion, cactus and grapes and added some Chilean wine and draped the mixture over the liver. I’m assuming this recipe hasn’t been used before since I made it up as I went, but I was hoping to create a dish that represented elements of the region where the llama calls home in South America.

WFF co-founder Levi Ahlberg asks, "Sea squirt, anyone?"WFF co-founder Scott Ahlberg asks, "Sea squirt, anyone?"

The group is relatively small, but many of the participants brought multiple items. I knew it would be a challenge to present something unique – in past years, the Weird Food Festival diners have partaken of musk ox, beaver tail and lion, and that unusual collection of flora and fauna just scratches the surface. We started out with Eddie Lin’s entry, fried duck tongues procured from the subject of many a Trippy Food article, Chinatown’s Hop Woo. Having had Hop Woo’s version of the avian mouthpieces, I knew that they would be delicate, savory morsels requiring the same kind of oral finesse as chicken wings. Eddie had cautioned me about ordering them the first time based on his past experience with substandard quality at other restaurants, but Hop Woo’s met with his approval.

Periwinkles, tasty but a lot of workPeriwinkles, tasty but a lot of work

Some of the dishes only skirted categorization as weird; a green Jell-O mold would most likely be regarded as bizarre by other cultures, but since the item was featured in Eddie Lin’s Extreme Cuisine, it was in fair play. Although common, dolmas (stuffed grape leaves) are still considered unusual to many Americans and Marc Moss ensured they would meet the standards of the Weird Food Festival by appropriating dolmas marinated in pomegranate, which gave the vegetable-stuffed dish a sweet flavor as well as a deep, dark green color. Another variation on a theme was a warming, sweet pomegranate soup; although Marc wasn’t sure what type of grain was used, I detected the faint taste of lentils (it was difficult to tell since the fragrance and taste of pomegranate permeated the bowl.

Freaky fish sausageFreaky fish sausage

We had almost overlooked a bowl of periwinkles provided by Scott Ahlberg that were already on the table; I used to see these tiny sea snails on the rocks at the beach in my childhood, but it never occurred to me to eat them. These delicate mollusks are tenderer and less oceanic tasting than their gastropodic cousins, but were likely to unseat crawfish as the seafood requiring the most amount of effort to extract meat from; once I got the hang of finding the little critter with a toothpick the pickings got better. Levi also provided the dish with highest degree of funk factor that evening – sea squirt. These animals belong to a group called Chordata and they almost defy classification; if ever there was a WTF moment in the development of aquatic life as food, the sea squirt handily wins every time. There are a variety of edible sea squirts, and unfortunately we didn’t know which bucket our snack fell into (or fell out of). The flesh is yellowish and somewhat rubbery with a taste that immediately evokes an ocean bottom-dwelling filtering animal; it has almost a caustic, chemical taste, but more curious than off-putting. Where the insidious little bastard gets you is in the aftertaste, a lingering funk that multiple swigs of North Korean soju can’t quash. Scott also attempted the British delicacy, jellied eel; unfortunately a miscalculation didn’t produced enough collagen to set the gelatin, but it didn’t have any effect on the flavor. The strangest-looking dish on a personal level was something that would probably be aesthetically pleasing to a child, a pink cigar-sized cylinder described as “fish sausage”. The aquatic tube steak had a flavor similar to gefilte fish, but I couldn’t explain the pink color; it seemed like a dish that might be manufactured and distributed en masse in the future, similar to Soylent green (I think I’ll call it Soylent pink).

A nightcap - a glass of bloodA nightcap - a glass of blood

After the funky feast, the group was told to expect a grand finale; Eddie Lin entered from the kitchen with a pitcher of what looked like sangria without fruit, but turned out to be sangre (blood). I can’t recall if the beverage was pork or beef blood, as I didn’t think to ask as my bottom jaw hit the table. A round of glass goblets were filled with the fluid, which we raised to drink a toast – it had to be the most apprehensive moment of the night, watching as the participants slowly and with great hesitation brought the cups to their lips. Take this and drink, indeed. A bowl of cooked blood resembling lumpy hot chocolate was also brought out but didn’t seem to generate any interest. While the fresh blood had a mild metallic taste, it was largely inoffensive; I expected the cooked blood to have an au jus flavor but with no fat in it there was only the taste of liquid chalk.

The Weird Food Festival was an event that I won’t soon forget and that I thoroughly enjoyed, not only for the unusual cuisine but also the spirited conversation about other cultures and their cuisine. I’m already anticipating next year’s and hoping that I receive a return invitation; the Weird Food festival is right up my alley, which gives me an idea for an entree for the next event.

Hop Woo
845 N. Broadway Blvd.
Los Angeles, CA 90012
GPS Coordinates: 34°3’48.88″N 118°14’16.05″W

Exotic Meat Market (online)
1-877-398-0141

GALLERY: See images from Val’s’ inaugural attendance at the 13th Annual L.A. Weird Food Festival

VIDEO: Watch Val make llama liver with testicles for Weird Food Festival XIII

 

Langer’s Delicatessen-Restaurant
Los Angeles CA

Find the bloggers in Langer's lineFind the bloggers in Langer's line

I got schooled. East Coast boy, nothing gets past me. When the general question of where to get decent pastrami in the Los Angeles area on the Save the Deli Facebook page (hosted by David Sax, author of the book by the same name), I blurted out “Pasadena” like the meshugana goyishe schmuck I am. I’ve had Lucky Boy; Tops; The Hat… not bad, nice amount of spice, good flavor, but the ball is hit and goes right through Val Buckner’s legs. “Valentino Herrera – that’s the crappy pastrami I’m talking about. Those places are awful; you’ll agree once you have a Langer”, they said, over and over again until it rose to a deafening hum like the crowd in the house that Al Langer built. I’ve been to the Stage Door, 2nd Ave., The Carnegie but this is L.A. – I want a pastrami sandwich with a dish of neon green pickles and a nice bowl of matzo ball soup, not a pastrami taco – is that too much to ask? Well, it was time to roll up my sleeves and find out what the kvetching was all about; I contacted blogger friends Valentina (Eastside Food Bites), The Minty and Arianna Armstrong (GrapeSmart, Food Truck Times) and asked them if they wanted to participate in popping my Langer’s cherry.

The formidable matzo ball soupThe formidable matzo ball soup

Langer’s is a bit of an odd duck. It sits on a corner of one of Los Angeles’ busiest intersections (as it has since 1947) with its name in big letters contrasting with the predominately Spanish-language signs that populate the block; in fact the intersection is so dominated by Langer’s that it has been officially dubbed Langer Square. I viewed the line going up the street as a good sign and met with my fellow journalists who had already jockeyed a place in line; we were seated at Table 1, which I also (initially) viewed as a good sign. The decor looks like it’s changed very little since 1947; an odd, handmade sign behind the deli read, “Merry Christmas and Happy New Year” and at the front of the deli was a small electric sign with Celtic lettering reading, “Most Popular Sandwich #19 Pastrami, Swiss, Coleslaw, Russian Dressing” (a nice gentile sandwich, to be sure). To the left where one can enjoy counter service while watching the cheerful insanity of the clean, white-shirted wait staff hustling orders was a vinyl-covered swivel stool with the name “Al Langer” emblazoned on the back; I wondered if you had to prove yourself worthy to occupy the late Mr. Langer’s throne, but no one seemed to pay any mind to the gentleman stuffing a Ruben into his gaping maw.

A customer fights the urge to sit in Al Langer's chairA customer fights the urge to sit in Al Langer's chair

We started with soup by the cup (so as not to take up valuable real estate in our stomachs). The Minty’s noodle soup seemed cooked well past al dente and there was a nice spattering of chicken fat bubbles on the surface; Valentina opted for the cabbage soup, a sturdy, tomato-based brew that was so thick it almost looked like kimchi. I felt I would be remiss to order anything but the matzo ball soup; the grain ball practically filled the entire cup – it was surrounded by a light, slightly salty chicken stock and had a texture not unlike firm tofu. I casually remarked how the obligatory bowl of dills hadn’t miraculously appeared at the table; while we ordered the sandwiches, at least three of us blurted out, “Can we please get some pickles?” I’m guessing that during these times that try men’s souls and wallets that delis are growing tired of tossing out the carefully brined cukes that remain uneaten (but probably not untouched) in the bowl.

#3 - corned beef with Swiss cheese and sauerkraut#3 - corned beef with Swiss cheese and sauerkraut

Although I found myself drawn to the come-hither of the sign with its slowly changing colored lights touting the virtues of the #19, I was thinking I wanted something a little simpler.  The sandwich order was a symphony of brined beef – Arianna made the very sensible choice of a simple pastrami sandwich, allowing the meat to speak for itself. I went slightly upscale with the #1 (seeing as how we were seated at Table 1) – pastrami, cole slaw and Russian dressing (the latter of which I requested some restraint); I’m pretty sure that renegade Minty ordered the #3 (corned beef with Swiss cheese and sauerkraut). All eyes turned to Valentina, who brazenly ordered – wait for it – the Grilled Nippy Cheese. I’ll give her credit, I’d be embarrassed just to say its name, but more power to her and her gooey, American cheese lava sandwich.

We're number 1! Pastrami with cole slaw and Russian dressingWe're number 1! Pastrami with cole slaw and Russian dressing

My sandwich arrived guarded by two dill halves on either side (apparently Langer’s eschewed the obligatory bowl completely). The sandwich was packed full of moist, steamy and fragrant pastrami, but it wasn’t as insurmountable as the human head-sized mounds of meat that completely obliterate the helpless slice of bread beneath it as served in New York delis. I brought the sandwich to my mouth, taking time to smell the spice emanating from the meat in a wafty steam and calculated the angle of approach for the first bite to include the maximum amount of meat with the minimum amount of cole slaw – shredded cabbage, your time would come my friend, but this moment was devoted to the pastrami. My mouth was filled with the most incredible flavor; I let the bite linger on my tongue, awash in saliva and ecstasy. With slight pressure (virtually no chewing required), the pastrami simply melted away as I savored each and every bite. The bread was spongy yet sturdy enough to hold the wet sandwich together; the contrast of the crusty rind and the soft innards lovingly enveloped the meat and coleslaw in a perfect storm of tastes and textures.

I should have trusted David Sax when he stated in Save the Deli, “Los Angeles has become America’s premier deli city”; if this is truly the case than Langer’s is at its epicenter. What makes savoring Langer’s pastrami an event is the care they take in turning out the best in Los Angeles while giving East Coast delis a run for their money; what made it special was sharing the experience with good friends who share the love of delicious food. I return to the Facebook page with my tail between my legs a broken man; a broken man with a Cheshire cat grin releasing a steady stream of drool.

Langer’s Delicatessen-Restaurant
704 South Alvarado
Los Angeles, CA 90057
GPS Coordinates:  34° 3’22.38″N 118°16’36.19″W

GALLERY: See images from Val’s holiday lunch at Langer’s Delicatessen-Restaurant in Los Angeles CA

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