Chinese aphrodisiac dinner

Hop Woo, Chinatown, Los Angeles

Bull penis and other unidentified objectsBull penis and other unidentified objects

I suppose before we get started I’ll preface this article with a warning to children, librarians and members of the clergy – I will be using the word “penis”. Repeatedly. Before you get the impression that you’ve stumbled upon a “Val Does Dallas” website, said penis was the business end of a male ox. Avid followers of this blog know that this isn’t my first foray into penile cuisine – my first experience experimenting with the pork sword (technically, the beef sword) was in phở at Pho Nguyen Hue in Westminster, California. Always the adventurer, I also had a mouthful of Eddie Lin’s bacon-wrapped johnson (not HIS personally) at a BizarreBQ last year. While trying to find an interesting dish to invite some bloggers and friends to try, the aforementioned Mr. Lin informed me that Chef Lupe Liang at the trippy Hop Woo in Chinatown whipped up a mean pot of bull penis soup, and so the game was afoot (and a penis). Initially the meal was going to be a one man play, with the penis soup giving the Tony award-winning performance of a lifetime, but it turns out that Chef Liang had a few tricks up his sleeve. What Chef Liang had planned was essentially an aphrodisiac dinner, with some food designed for other health benefits as well, the perfect feast for our dinner guests: Vivianne Lapointe of LIVE F>A>S>T Magazine, Arianna Armstrong of GrapeSmart, Food Truck Times and other food, wine and social sites, and The Minty, the eponymous host of a site covering food, drink and dating.

A live sea urchin pays homage to its dead familyA live sea urchin pays homage to its dead family

The first course (the penis soup) was brought out in individual covered soup tureens, leaving our imaginations to run wild while Chef Liang described the dish and its benefits in Chinese; I didn’t need a translator to get the general idea of what the soup was reputed to do as I caught his inflections and hand gestures. I momentarily envisioned opening the lid and having a bovine jack-in-the-box moment, but as in other preparations, the moo tool was finely sliced. I had to put on my journalistic game face overhearing Eddie ask Chef Liang how well he cleans his penis, while trying to size up the soup. The broth was a brown-black color and had a strong aroma of spices and herbs. One dip of the spoon brought up a collection of objects including things that looked like plant roots and twigs, with the diner having to find Waldo in the mix. Bull penis is more about texture than taste, but the broth imparted a nice flavor. Between the gristle-like pieces and the fatty component, I favored the latter although some of the other diners found it to be “slimy”.

The spoon holds a future generation of roostersThe spoon holds a future generation of roosters

After slurping down the hot penis (did I really just say that?), the chef brought out a live sea urchin that was spared the axe so that we could see the living creature accompanied by a dish of ice with close to 100 uni hanging off the plate like Leonardo DiCaprio on his makeshift Titanic raft. Uni is known as an aphrodisiac for several reasons: for starters, they are (and most assuredly look like) the female gonads of the sea urchin. In addition, uni is said to produce anandamide, a compound that stimulates the human dopamine system. Each diner was given a small dish with a wasabi/soy sauce blend with uno of the uni ceremoniously plopped into the brackish bath, but after eating the first marinated sac we simply started plucking them from the mound. After making short work of the unit a steaming crock of lobster segments were brought out accompanied by vegetables and garnished with cilantro and what looked like garlic. Upon closer inspection, the garlic turned out to be what the locals call “rooster fries” (the rooster’s calling cards that put the “hen” in “hentai”). I had enjoyed “chicken nuts” in hot pot previously and noted that they usually formed a larger pair, but I’m guessing these were the by-product of emasculation for capon creation. The taste was unmistakable: a little like a cross between a light liverwurst and egg white with a high fluidity. The thing that was odd was the combination of the lobster and cock balls in the same dish, a double-dose of well publicized aphrodisiacs.

Rich and tasty eel riceRich and tasty eel rice

The next dish was a pot of eel rice, complete with a variety of greens, wispy noodles and chunks of bacony pork. The eel sat almost whole on the top of the rice and were removed to a separate plate for distribution – they were moist, flavorful and unencumbered by the standard dousing of brown sauce. Eel is said to promote good eyesight and brain function so it may not be a good dish to have on a blind or first date. Chef Liang presented his omnipresent deer meat with leeks and star melon, mellow, meaty and sure to perk up your circulation (and we all know how important blood flow improvement is for an aphrodisiac); it also cures that acne that’s preventing you from finding Mr. or Ms. Right (or so I am told). The cold and refreshing greens with cellophane noodles and goji berries pleased the vegetarians in the group but also provided a nice diversion from the meat-laden meal. A cold steamed chicken dish with greens, seaweed and peppers seemed somewhat out of place at an aphrodisiac dinner, but I can’t argue that it’s always nice to bring your date back down the earth once you’ve scared the bejeezus out of them with a gonad chow-down. As with most of the elaborate feasts at Hop Woo, the dinner was capped with a bowl of medicinal digestive soup, rich and murky but not unpleasant – the fun part of having the soup is playing Guess the Ingredients, a game that everyone at the table seems to lose to the house every time.

A plate designed to show off the goji berriesA plate designed to show off the goji berries

If your romantic life needs a little kick start, Hop Woo’s aphrodisiac dinner may just be what the doctor ordered or it may just be a collection of foods with mystical, erotic mumbo jumbo surrounding it – either way someone’s sexual organs will be getting a workout, even if it’s other members of the animal kingdom.

Hop Woo
845 N. Broadway Blvd.
Los Angeles, CA 90012
GPS Coordinates: 34°3’48.88″N 118°14’16.05″W

GALLERY: See images from Hop Woo’s aphrodisiac dinner

Read The Minty’s, Eddie Lin’s and Vivianne Lapointe’s take on the aphrodisiac dinner
Listen to the KCRW segment on the aprodisiac dinner

NOTE: This cost for this meal was provided by the restaurant. The content provided in this article was not influenced whatsoever by the organizer of the event

 

 

Dia de los Muertos (Day of the Dead)

Mexico/Southwestern U.S.

Ceramic skulls for saleCeramic skulls for sale

What do New Orleans Jazz Funerals, Irish wakes and Dia de los Muertos have in common? All are celebrations of life and a way to either send someone off in style or reach out to loved ones in the afterlife. The modern day Dia de los Muertos is derivative of an Aztec festival to the Mictecacihuatl, goddess (or lady) of the dead. The celebration was held in the ninth month of the Aztec calendar (roughly corresponding to August) and celebrated for a month; the festival included presentations of orange Mexican marigolds called cempoalxochitl (which translates from Nahuatl to “twenty flowers”). The flowers are now referred to as flor de fuerto, or flower of the dead and are used to attract the souls of the dead. During Mexico’s Christian era, Mictecacihuatl has been replaced by the Virgin of Guadeloupe, but is also sometimes represented by the Catrina, an animated female skeleton figure usually dressed in fancy clothing. The timing of the event also changed after the Spanish Christianization to coincide with the Catholic holidays of All Saints’ Day (November 1st) and All Souls’ Day (November 2nd). Typically Dia de los Inocentes (“Day of the Innocents”) falls on November 1st and commemorates the passing of children, with Dia de los Muertos (“Day of the Dead”) honoring adults on November 2nd. Participants dress in costumes representing historical figures or loved ones (often as skeletons) or as the Catrina; because of this custom and the fact that the festivals occur the day after Halloween, they are often assumed to be culturally the same.

Aztec Dia de los Muertos imagery - note the woman at rightAztec Dia de los Muertos imagery - note the woman at right

During Dia de los Muertos, families create altars and displays called ofrendas at the gravesite. These usually feature a profusion of the flor de fuerto, pictures of the deceased and things that they would have enjoyed while alive (such as their favorite foods, toys, possessions, or objects representing their passions and professions). Family members eat at the gravesite, and partake of some of the food presented as nourishment for those who have shuffled off this mortal coil, including ridiculously large loaves of pan de muerto (bread of the dead) and skulls made of sugar. In recent times, children dress as skeletons and go door-to-door asking for little sugar skulls, candy or money, an adaptation of Halloween trick-or-treating. Although Dia de los Muertos has traditionally been a family ritual, it has become popularized to where people of no relation to the deceased flock to cemeteries to participate in an all-night party designed to wake the dead. Nowhere is this more obvious than at the annual celebration at Hollywood California’s Hollywood Forever Cemetery, an event that has been held since 1999. The fact that Hollywood Forever is the final resting spot for more deceased film industry folks per square foot that anywhere else in Southern Califorina makes the event even more spectacular; it is the last stop on this train called life for Mel Blanc, Douglas Fairbanks, Jr., Cecil B. DeMille, Rudolph Valentino and countless others. The event starts at 2 PM, and as soon as you enter the front gates you realize this is going to be a celebration of epic proportions. Dancers in Aztec costumes rove the grounds performing in the wider intersections; a central stage is set up that features bands and performers throughout the day. To the left of the stage and wrapping around behind it are dozens of food tents representing a variety of vendors; Oaxacan restaurant Guelaguetza did a brisk business selling cerveza, taquitos and outstanding tamal de mole Oaxaqueno wrapped in banana leaves and drenched in sweet black mole. La Monarca Bakery was handing out free samples of the sweet pan de muerto, billing themselves as purveyors of the Official Day of The Dead Bread (one can surmise that this is the bread Elvis now uses to make his peanut butter and banana sandwiches). Naturally, the bacon-wrapped hot dog (soon to be named the Official Hot Dog of Los Angeles) was available in mass quantities; they were easy to find simply by listening for the melodic, “Hooooooot dog, hot dog hot dog hot dog).

A family of CatrinasA family of Catrinas

The ofrendas were mixed with commercial ventures selling everything from ceramic skulls to attire designed to help you leave behind a pretty corpse. One tent offered bandannas with skull faces imprinted on them so you’ll never need to have your face painted like Alton Kelley’s Grateful Dead album cover again (although face painting was available in several tents). Art was available for display and purchase; in the mausoleum where Rudolph Valentino is interred (guarded by two gargantuan Mexican skeletons), art lined the walls, obscuring the names of those trying to rest in their vaults. Rest would have been difficult since in addition to the patrons cramming through the hallways to see the works of art, a band was stationed inside near the exit, their music reverberating against the marble walls. The ofrendas were spectacular enough during the day, but as night fell and candles were lit and the lights went on, they took on new life. The gravesites of Dee Dee and Johnny Ramone were decked out and roped off, and it wasn’t difficult to imagine that they were both doing an upbeat rendition of “Pet Sematary”. Along the long avenues that stretched to the entrance were the ofrendas of family members who spared no expense in staging elaborate displays; it was sobering when you realized that these people actually lost loved ones, but heartwarming that they kept their spirits alive with a smile and were even willing to discuss how they came to end up on the other side.

Creepy tricks of the light and sage smokeCreepy tricks of the light and sage smoke

If you decide to attend the event, be sure to get there early as the line snakes out to the sidewalk as the night progresses; the event lasts until midnight. I don’t recall a great deal of the film version of Stephen King’s “Pet Sematary”, but I like to imagine that when Fred Gwynn (also our beloved Halloween icon Herman Munster) uttered the words, “Sometimes dead is better”, it was in response to the question of which he preferred: Halloween or Dia de los Muertos.

Hollywood Forever
6000 Santa Monica Blvd
Los Angeles, CA 90038
GPS Coordinates: 34°5’25.18″N 118°19’12.41″W

See images of the 11th annual Dia de los Muertos festival at Hollywood Forever Cemetery
See more images of the 11th annual Dia de los Muertos festival at Hollywood Forever Cemetery

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