Langer’s Delicatessen-Restaurant
Los Angeles CA

Find the bloggers in Langer's lineFind the bloggers in Langer's line

I got schooled. East Coast boy, nothing gets past me. When the general question of where to get decent pastrami in the Los Angeles area on the Save the Deli Facebook page (hosted by David Sax, author of the book by the same name), I blurted out “Pasadena” like the meshugana goyishe schmuck I am. I’ve had Lucky Boy; Tops; The Hat… not bad, nice amount of spice, good flavor, but the ball is hit and goes right through Val Buckner’s legs. “Valentino Herrera – that’s the crappy pastrami I’m talking about. Those places are awful; you’ll agree once you have a Langer”, they said, over and over again until it rose to a deafening hum like the crowd in the house that Al Langer built. I’ve been to the Stage Door, 2nd Ave., The Carnegie but this is L.A. – I want a pastrami sandwich with a dish of neon green pickles and a nice bowl of matzo ball soup, not a pastrami taco – is that too much to ask? Well, it was time to roll up my sleeves and find out what the kvetching was all about; I contacted blogger friends Valentina (Eastside Food Bites), The Minty and Arianna Armstrong (GrapeSmart, Food Truck Times) and asked them if they wanted to participate in popping my Langer’s cherry.

The formidable matzo ball soupThe formidable matzo ball soup

Langer’s is a bit of an odd duck. It sits on a corner of one of Los Angeles’ busiest intersections (as it has since 1947) with its name in big letters contrasting with the predominately Spanish-language signs that populate the block; in fact the intersection is so dominated by Langer’s that it has been officially dubbed Langer Square. I viewed the line going up the street as a good sign and met with my fellow journalists who had already jockeyed a place in line; we were seated at Table 1, which I also (initially) viewed as a good sign. The decor looks like it’s changed very little since 1947; an odd, handmade sign behind the deli read, “Merry Christmas and Happy New Year” and at the front of the deli was a small electric sign with Celtic lettering reading, “Most Popular Sandwich #19 Pastrami, Swiss, Coleslaw, Russian Dressing” (a nice gentile sandwich, to be sure). To the left where one can enjoy counter service while watching the cheerful insanity of the clean, white-shirted wait staff hustling orders was a vinyl-covered swivel stool with the name “Al Langer” emblazoned on the back; I wondered if you had to prove yourself worthy to occupy the late Mr. Langer’s throne, but no one seemed to pay any mind to the gentleman stuffing a Ruben into his gaping maw.

A customer fights the urge to sit in Al Langer's chairA customer fights the urge to sit in Al Langer's chair

We started with soup by the cup (so as not to take up valuable real estate in our stomachs). The Minty’s noodle soup seemed cooked well past al dente and there was a nice spattering of chicken fat bubbles on the surface; Valentina opted for the cabbage soup, a sturdy, tomato-based brew that was so thick it almost looked like kimchi. I felt I would be remiss to order anything but the matzo ball soup; the grain ball practically filled the entire cup – it was surrounded by a light, slightly salty chicken stock and had a texture not unlike firm tofu. I casually remarked how the obligatory bowl of dills hadn’t miraculously appeared at the table; while we ordered the sandwiches, at least three of us blurted out, “Can we please get some pickles?” I’m guessing that during these times that try men’s souls and wallets that delis are growing tired of tossing out the carefully brined cukes that remain uneaten (but probably not untouched) in the bowl.

#3 - corned beef with Swiss cheese and sauerkraut#3 - corned beef with Swiss cheese and sauerkraut

Although I found myself drawn to the come-hither of the sign with its slowly changing colored lights touting the virtues of the #19, I was thinking I wanted something a little simpler.  The sandwich order was a symphony of brined beef – Arianna made the very sensible choice of a simple pastrami sandwich, allowing the meat to speak for itself. I went slightly upscale with the #1 (seeing as how we were seated at Table 1) – pastrami, cole slaw and Russian dressing (the latter of which I requested some restraint); I’m pretty sure that renegade Minty ordered the #3 (corned beef with Swiss cheese and sauerkraut). All eyes turned to Valentina, who brazenly ordered – wait for it – the Grilled Nippy Cheese. I’ll give her credit, I’d be embarrassed just to say its name, but more power to her and her gooey, American cheese lava sandwich.

We're number 1! Pastrami with cole slaw and Russian dressingWe're number 1! Pastrami with cole slaw and Russian dressing

My sandwich arrived guarded by two dill halves on either side (apparently Langer’s eschewed the obligatory bowl completely). The sandwich was packed full of moist, steamy and fragrant pastrami, but it wasn’t as insurmountable as the human head-sized mounds of meat that completely obliterate the helpless slice of bread beneath it as served in New York delis. I brought the sandwich to my mouth, taking time to smell the spice emanating from the meat in a wafty steam and calculated the angle of approach for the first bite to include the maximum amount of meat with the minimum amount of cole slaw – shredded cabbage, your time would come my friend, but this moment was devoted to the pastrami. My mouth was filled with the most incredible flavor; I let the bite linger on my tongue, awash in saliva and ecstasy. With slight pressure (virtually no chewing required), the pastrami simply melted away as I savored each and every bite. The bread was spongy yet sturdy enough to hold the wet sandwich together; the contrast of the crusty rind and the soft innards lovingly enveloped the meat and coleslaw in a perfect storm of tastes and textures.

I should have trusted David Sax when he stated in Save the Deli, “Los Angeles has become America’s premier deli city”; if this is truly the case than Langer’s is at its epicenter. What makes savoring Langer’s pastrami an event is the care they take in turning out the best in Los Angeles while giving East Coast delis a run for their money; what made it special was sharing the experience with good friends who share the love of delicious food. I return to the Facebook page with my tail between my legs a broken man; a broken man with a Cheshire cat grin releasing a steady stream of drool.

Langer’s Delicatessen-Restaurant
704 South Alvarado
Los Angeles, CA 90057
GPS Coordinates:  34° 3’22.38″N 118°16’36.19″W

GALLERY: See images from Val’s holiday lunch at Langer’s Delicatessen-Restaurant in Los Angeles CA

 

Chinese aphrodisiac dinner

Hop Woo, Chinatown, Los Angeles

Bull penis and other unidentified objectsBull penis and other unidentified objects

I suppose before we get started I’ll preface this article with a warning to children, librarians and members of the clergy – I will be using the word “penis”. Repeatedly. Before you get the impression that you’ve stumbled upon a “Val Does Dallas” website, said penis was the business end of a male ox. Avid followers of this blog know that this isn’t my first foray into penile cuisine – my first experience experimenting with the pork sword (technically, the beef sword) was in phở at Pho Nguyen Hue in Westminster, California. Always the adventurer, I also had a mouthful of Eddie Lin’s bacon-wrapped johnson (not HIS personally) at a BizarreBQ last year. While trying to find an interesting dish to invite some bloggers and friends to try, the aforementioned Mr. Lin informed me that Chef Lupe Liang at the trippy Hop Woo in Chinatown whipped up a mean pot of bull penis soup, and so the game was afoot (and a penis). Initially the meal was going to be a one man play, with the penis soup giving the Tony award-winning performance of a lifetime, but it turns out that Chef Liang had a few tricks up his sleeve. What Chef Liang had planned was essentially an aphrodisiac dinner, with some food designed for other health benefits as well, the perfect feast for our dinner guests: Vivianne Lapointe of LIVE F>A>S>T Magazine, Arianna Armstrong of GrapeSmart, Food Truck Times and other food, wine and social sites, and The Minty, the eponymous host of a site covering food, drink and dating.

A live sea urchin pays homage to its dead familyA live sea urchin pays homage to its dead family

The first course (the penis soup) was brought out in individual covered soup tureens, leaving our imaginations to run wild while Chef Liang described the dish and its benefits in Chinese; I didn’t need a translator to get the general idea of what the soup was reputed to do as I caught his inflections and hand gestures. I momentarily envisioned opening the lid and having a bovine jack-in-the-box moment, but as in other preparations, the moo tool was finely sliced. I had to put on my journalistic game face overhearing Eddie ask Chef Liang how well he cleans his penis, while trying to size up the soup. The broth was a brown-black color and had a strong aroma of spices and herbs. One dip of the spoon brought up a collection of objects including things that looked like plant roots and twigs, with the diner having to find Waldo in the mix. Bull penis is more about texture than taste, but the broth imparted a nice flavor. Between the gristle-like pieces and the fatty component, I favored the latter although some of the other diners found it to be “slimy”.

The spoon holds a future generation of roostersThe spoon holds a future generation of roosters

After slurping down the hot penis (did I really just say that?), the chef brought out a live sea urchin that was spared the axe so that we could see the living creature accompanied by a dish of ice with close to 100 uni hanging off the plate like Leonardo DiCaprio on his makeshift Titanic raft. Uni is known as an aphrodisiac for several reasons: for starters, they are (and most assuredly look like) the female gonads of the sea urchin. In addition, uni is said to produce anandamide, a compound that stimulates the human dopamine system. Each diner was given a small dish with a wasabi/soy sauce blend with uno of the uni ceremoniously plopped into the brackish bath, but after eating the first marinated sac we simply started plucking them from the mound. After making short work of the unit a steaming crock of lobster segments were brought out accompanied by vegetables and garnished with cilantro and what looked like garlic. Upon closer inspection, the garlic turned out to be what the locals call “rooster fries” (the rooster’s calling cards that put the “hen” in “hentai”). I had enjoyed “chicken nuts” in hot pot previously and noted that they usually formed a larger pair, but I’m guessing these were the by-product of emasculation for capon creation. The taste was unmistakable: a little like a cross between a light liverwurst and egg white with a high fluidity. The thing that was odd was the combination of the lobster and cock balls in the same dish, a double-dose of well publicized aphrodisiacs.

Rich and tasty eel riceRich and tasty eel rice

The next dish was a pot of eel rice, complete with a variety of greens, wispy noodles and chunks of bacony pork. The eel sat almost whole on the top of the rice and were removed to a separate plate for distribution – they were moist, flavorful and unencumbered by the standard dousing of brown sauce. Eel is said to promote good eyesight and brain function so it may not be a good dish to have on a blind or first date. Chef Liang presented his omnipresent deer meat with leeks and star melon, mellow, meaty and sure to perk up your circulation (and we all know how important blood flow improvement is for an aphrodisiac); it also cures that acne that’s preventing you from finding Mr. or Ms. Right (or so I am told). The cold and refreshing greens with cellophane noodles and goji berries pleased the vegetarians in the group but also provided a nice diversion from the meat-laden meal. A cold steamed chicken dish with greens, seaweed and peppers seemed somewhat out of place at an aphrodisiac dinner, but I can’t argue that it’s always nice to bring your date back down the earth once you’ve scared the bejeezus out of them with a gonad chow-down. As with most of the elaborate feasts at Hop Woo, the dinner was capped with a bowl of medicinal digestive soup, rich and murky but not unpleasant – the fun part of having the soup is playing Guess the Ingredients, a game that everyone at the table seems to lose to the house every time.

A plate designed to show off the goji berriesA plate designed to show off the goji berries

If your romantic life needs a little kick start, Hop Woo’s aphrodisiac dinner may just be what the doctor ordered or it may just be a collection of foods with mystical, erotic mumbo jumbo surrounding it – either way someone’s sexual organs will be getting a workout, even if it’s other members of the animal kingdom.

Hop Woo
845 N. Broadway Blvd.
Los Angeles, CA 90012
GPS Coordinates: 34°3’48.88″N 118°14’16.05″W

GALLERY: See images from Hop Woo’s aphrodisiac dinner

Read The Minty’s, Eddie Lin’s and Vivianne Lapointe’s take on the aphrodisiac dinner
Listen to the KCRW segment on the aprodisiac dinner

NOTE: This cost for this meal was provided by the restaurant. The content provided in this article was not influenced whatsoever by the organizer of the event

 

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